Mashed Potatoes Is My Favorite Meal.

I was talking with Candace the other day about meatloaf. Our conversation was a debate on whether or not meatloaf is a meal. She says that meatloaf is an entree that is supposed to have side items such as veggies. I told her that meatloaf is a entire meal in it self. You have meat, some dehydrated onions, and of course ketchup.

This got me to explaining a bit about my childhood too Candace. At the Pettigrew household times were very tough financially. So, our family meals were a little differant from other families.

Top Ten Pettigrew Dinners

10. Eggs and Grits
9. Cereal
8. Ramen Noodles
7. Chicken Soup with Carrots
6. Chicken Soup with Green Beans
5. Macaroni & Cheese with Hamburger
4. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
3. Chicken and Rice
2. Spagetti
1. Mashed Potatoes

I now know that these meals may be a little confusing for some of you. Yes, spagetti is a meal by itself. Bread?? What is that for?? Veggie sides?? For what??

At my house one of these dishes was in our eyes a full course meal. And at least half of these dishes were full course breakfast, lunches, and dinners. Because my mom made enough leftovers to feed us the next few days. Don't misunderstand me, sometimes we ate high on the hog. Roast with mashed potatoes and velveeta shells and cheese was our filet mignon. But the meat was gone that night everytime. However, there was always a lot of my favorite stuff left for days to come. That is why my favorite meal to this day is Mashed Potatoes.

I love going back and thinking about old times. If my family did not have these mashed potatoe times of trouble, we wouldn't have the mashed potatoe times of triumph.

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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Flaco's Poker Theasaurus

I know for some people many poker terms are hard to understand. I am a self proclaimed simple minded man, so I decided to take some of these terms and explain them in a simple way.

Being Stuck: This is another term for being down in money. Example Jake is a dumb ass who keeps reaching into his little money bag like a crack addict. $20 after $20!

Being on the come: this term means you are betting or staying in a hand hoping to improve your hand with the cards to come out next. Example: calling bets with a flush draw hoping to hit on the river. Example 2: your a dumbass card chaser!!

Going South: this term means taking cash or chips off the table, but still playing at the table. Example: you buyin for $100 you double up too $200 so you decide to put $100 in your pocket and play on profit only. Example 2: your a rude greedy dumbass!

Implied odds: this term means making a decision to play a hand by calculating how much money you will have to pay in the course of the hand. Example: a short stack raises you hold 89 suited. You have to calculate before calling if its worth playing the hand because he will most likely be all in before the end of the hand. Example 2: you a dumbass who plays 89 suited.

Pot Odds: this means calculating the amount in the pot and the amount of money it takes to call. Example: there's twenty blue chips in the pot pre flop and it only cost you 2 or 4 to call you gettin good pot odds. Example 2: your getting 5 to 1 on your money so you call down to the river with 83 offsuit and hit yo straight. This type of move is made by a d.d.p.o.c. Which means dumbass donkey pot odds caller! Example of ddpoc: GoodChuck!!

I'm just kidding pop. I'm just razzing ya. Your not a ddpoc, cause sometimes when you call your not getting good pot odds. I love ya!

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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Praying For Sleep

In bed at 10:00pm. Asleep for first time after 2am. Dern this sucks!! Refusing to take any narcotic sleep aid. I lay there thinking ok mom told me maybe God has me up to pray for someone. So, I lay there close my eyes and start to pray this prayer "Lord its 2am I would like to fall asleep. If I'm up to pray for someone then here I am. I am not angry with you Lord for keeping me up to pray, but I bet the person that needs prayer is sawing logs right now. Also I would like to ask you if this is going to be an ongoing deal do you think I could do my praying during the day?? If not its cool cause like I said I'm here for ya. But since no one really is popping out in my head lemme just say thanks for allowing me to live. Be with my fam through tomorrow and keep all my friends and family safe. I'll check ya later. Amen."

Before praying I think I counted every sheep I could think of even the black ones. I tried to think about one thing to focus on, it came to be replaying hands of poker. Not good for insomnia! Especially thinking about flopping a set of tens, getting all your money in with the best hand, and then a suckout on the river. (Bitterness?? Never heard of it.) Anyway I tried all the normal stuff to get to sleep. In the end it was a prayer that knocked me out for the night. Gotta give my madre some props for the hep! I think my praying needs to be done a lil earlier. If you need prayer lemme know, cause I'm up!! I gotcha covered. Buenos Noches!!

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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Estrogen Poisoning

Today was girl day at the Flaco house. After several poker dollars spent on new paint for my room and some new home decor, it was time for a jewelry party. As you can probably guess Dallas and I wanted to be as far away from all that estrogen as possible. I explained the danger of estrogen poisoning and our lack of gender specific glandular curves we were not issued so we needed to leave (just kidding). So, 2:40pm arrived it was time for us to hit it. We got into the car and I had no idea what we were going to do to occupy ourselves. Bright idea number one "let's go to a movie". We drive to the local theater to find out nothing is playing that fits our schedule or age group. Bright idea number two "let's go get daddys wheelchair and go to the mall". That was quickly shot down by Dallas because the percentage of toy stores versus all the other stores was not in good favor. So we finally arrived at a decision to run back by the house grab his transformers
and find a place to play. Well guess where we arrived the wendys/target parking lot. I needed some food so I got me some wendys we parked and jammed to the sounds of the iPhone. Here is where the fun began for me.

Dallas perked his head up and asked me "Daddy why are we in the car sitting in the parking lot and sissy and mommy are at the house?? We could be there playing or doing something fun too". I thought to myself man oh man is he having a crap time! But I sensed the question was not asked in the disgust of his fun factor not being met. I quickly told him that our day was a sacrifice day. Today was a day that as a husband, daddy, and brother we sacrifice our time and comfort zone for mommy and sissy. I could tell the wheels were turning and then it clicked. He looks at me and says "kind of like when jazz sacrifices his life fighting brave in transformers??" he even took his realization to the next step by saying "just like Jesus did too??" I was speechless and very proud of him. I confirmed his assumption with a frog in my throat and a nod. We were able to end our time out with a stroll into target where he was able to purchase with his own money a new, you
guessed it transformer. Needless to say first words from his mouth after opening were "daddy can you transform this??" With thoughts of our earlier conversation I immediatly pulled the car to the side of the road and transformed his new toy.

I wanted to end this post by saying how proud I am of both of my kids. Everyday they make me happy I'm alive. Each day they seperately help me in their own way put one foot in front of the other. They also remind me that everyday Candace and I are there as guides to God's basic life principles. I was brought up with the same simple and basic views on love, faith, hope, and so many other life topics. I want my childrens eyes to see our lives as the right examples and that be all the training they need. My dad has always told me kids are like VCR's they record everything that we do and say. That holds a lot of truth, good and bad. The bad part is sometimes parents are stupid! The good thing about that is sometimes as parents we get to press pause and rewind. In doing that we get to relearn some of the small yet most important life lessons through them.

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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Crowley Poker Series

Last night kicked off the 2008 Crowley Poker Series aka Tom and Mike's game. The new points system was very well recieved by all players present. It was a little on the light side for players. With several out of towners and just some plain ole no shows. The total count at shuffle and deal time was 9. It was fast and furious to say the least. The new chip count started everyone out with a healthy 4000 in chips. However, some people gave them away like they were stolen. I knew I should play a little conservative when the second pot consisted of three players and a pot worth around 10k. For the 9 player night 3 were paid. It ended up in my eyes as the outcome of the seasons final game. Tom B. coming in third paying $46, Mike N. coming in second paying $64, and myself taking first paying $112. The after game cash game was also very fruitful for me. Buying in for $20 my total cash out amount was around $25 in profit. But because I was feeling generous, I
gave my good buddy John some chip help by spotting him $10 on credit. I left the game feeling very good about how I played. I was also able to substantiate and confirm certain player reads I spotted in previous sessions. In summary it was a great game. The casual and layed back atmosphere really made the whole night a success. Thanks Mike and Tom for putting on a great tournament. Can't wait until Feb. 9th to do it again.

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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Back from my trip.

Who knew a trip that you slept all the way through could be so painful. I had my self a lithotrip today. A lithotripsy is a procedure where they use sound waves to abliterate kidney stones and crystals to aid in passing them.
I am now home and resting semi comfortably. I can honestly say I was very anxious about this for several reasons. One reason is I was told 4 different times 4 differant doctors were performing the procedure. Comforting thought number 2 was my report from my xrays said the stone was in my right kidney, the dr and all the procedure paperwork said left. Meeting with the surgery nurse I just told them before you go to bustin make sure its a kidney stone and not one of my testicles. Needless to say they did bust up a stone about the size of a asprin on my right side. Now its time for recovery. Over the next 3 days I have to drink 10-12 glasses of water a day, rest, no heavy lifting, and no sex. I also have the classy and appealing task of straining my urine! T.M.I.?? If it is I don't care.
Before my wonderful asshoe friends can razz me. I'm going to do it myself.

Yes, I had one of my "stones" removed.
No, I don't feel less of a man for having a "stone" removed..
Yes, my "stone" was the size of an asprin.
No, the nurse did not laugh at the size of my "stones".
And yes, this time it is painful to get your "rocks" off.

I think that just about covers it, but I'm sure my more creative friends will still give me the business. Anyway boys and girls I got punched in the kidney today so I'm going to take my meds strain my urine and go to bed. Till mañana!!

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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I am a semi pro gigolo.

Reading a poker article today got me to pondering the title "semi pro". The author of the article boasts that he is a semi pro poker player. He goes on saying he plays low stakes home games and uses his winnings for living expenses. But he also says he has a regular 9-5er to supplement for any loose ends. Ok. Question is the semi pro title valid?? I need some insight on this subject. Maybe this semi pro title means he is only pro twice a year, maybe it means he's only pro when he wins, or maybe his 9-5er is at taco bell and it sounds better to say poker pro rather than head bean injector. If the title is valid I am a semi pro poker player, poker dealer, digital artist, maid, and babysitter. I think you could also call me a semi pro son and a semi pro gigiolo because I have been paid money for doing all of those activities. I guess the last two might be pushing it a bit. Dunno if you can count asking your dad to pay a poker buyin as professional earned
income. And it may be splitting hairs, but if I find a quarter from my wifes jeans on my butt during sex count as pay?? If so you can now call me "The Semi Pro Mexican/American Gigolo".

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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Daddy, why is that man dragging that anchor into walmart??

Being thin has its pros and it has its cons. Let me tell you about yesterday!! I weigh 80lbs (36kilos). Yesterday the wind gusts hit I think 30-40 mph. Holy shiz boys and girls!

Walking into the store yesterday I must have looked like I had just jumped from a plane. I was outside the car jeans and shirt pressed against my body by the wind. I think if I had parachute pants on and a string attached to my belt you could probably fly me. Maybe I should carry bricks or rocks to add weight on these blustery days. It was quite comical trying to cut my small frame through the wind. It was tasking and a battle, but who's the man playa?? I made it inside and still had my hat on. However, It was even more hilarious coming out of the store. The rule of opposites what goes up must come down etc. How about against the wind equals forward movement impairment, going with the wind equals forward movement acceleration. I think it took me about 3 minutes to get into the store and about 3 seconds to get out. It was a great lesson for me to learn that an 80lb guy should always carry a 100lb anchor in his pocket for times like this one.

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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Hey Dad, Can You Transform This??

Family day started today with mommys 2nd half of her Christmas present washer and dryer showing up about 11am. ...Hold on trsnsforming a transformer.... I think I am going to crawl into the dryer and see if I push enough buttons and turn enough dials if it will launch me into space.?
The day got a lot more hectic ...hold on transforming a transformer...as the departure time for a family birthday party seemed to jet from "oh, we got time" too "oh, shiz we gonna be late". We make it about 15 mins late, no biggy. Driving home was 30 mins of quiet time since Dallas fell asleep...hold on transforming a transformer...Quiet was short lived with the arrival of our two sleepover guests. It has only been 2 hrs and I have heard 10 high school musical songs and ...hold on transforming a transformer...I think 4 cheetah girls or hannah montana songs. Thanks to a certain old lady buying D&D their own karaoke machine, I was also enchanted by...hold on transforming a transformer...my daughters glorious singing voice.
It is now time to give each one a seditive, get me a shot of cuervo, take my cocaine laced insomia med sonata, and hit the hay. Just kiddingr, I just say all that to sound thug!....hold on I just BROKE a transformer while transforming a transformer...Till mañana

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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Walgreens Paitience

I am waiting in line in the Walgreens drive through trying for the third time to pick up my insomnia medicine. Why am I even bothering?? It has been 20 minutes and one car just drove off. I am finally at the window.

20 mins in line, $5.60 in cash, good nights sleep priceless. Well I would not say priceless the cost of this medicine without insurance says $257.00 wow!! Maybe its got cocaine in it. Anyway, this post is not about Walgreens, governent funded healthcare, or cocaine laced insomnia meds. It is supposed to be about a good game at the PP House (Pettigrew Poker House). We had our first regular scheduled Friday night cash game last night. The .25/.50 cash game was ruthless to some and very lucrutive for others. I am happy to report that the game continued to be legal seeing how the house and house players did not make any money. The full table was a little late in getting started. No worries though I was up to $90 from $20 in the pregame. Funny though I did not leave with that much. The big winner last night was the attractive chica Miss Jennifer buying in for $20 and walking with $198. This is not to embarrass anyone but Dave Lewis was not running so hot this
night leaving stuck an undisclosed amount. Don't worry Dave you will get it all back I'm sure.
In summary the night was a success, we ended at another undisclosed number (wife protection). Play was fast and furious and the pot was ginormis!! Come and get your game on at our next game 1/18/08 @ 7pm.

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake

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WELCOME TO MY JUNGLE

I want to try my hand at serial blogging. I am in constant battle with insomnia, so why not blog at 2:00am?? I can't promise correct spelling or proper grammer or puncuation. Any comments you have voice them. Any opinions on any subject voice them. I will be writing about many subjects. Of course there will be poker talk, but not every post will be about poker. So I welcome anyone and everyone to read and comment.

Keeping It Skinny,
FlacoJake